grasping beauty.


 Crackling bonfires in the dark on humid evenings, crisp mornings ringed with light, barefeet on hot gravel, dewy grass and rough sand, lemonade stands and (small) sticky fingers, streams and lakes and pools and oceans, rippling, sparkling and flowing in the sun, sheets of air tumbling down, tossing your hair -- are a few fleeting moments that have entwined themselves around my heart.  


Through streams of memories that have been recollected, my heart aches. I don't want to live in the past but oh, how I want those memories to re-occur. A small clock ticks.  Time fleets. This moment imprints itself hard on my heart and I can't help but wonder why I live the way I live and why it's so hard to live fully.  A glowing sun swirls to a sunset and a day is past. Human life consist of roughly 25,000 days and yet most of the time beauty in life slips past - wrong choices are made and life isn't chosen to live intentionally.   


Beauty unravels ever-so-slowly into my hands.  In a plethora of Anatomy and Physiology tests, essay assignments, chapters to read, dishes to wash, appointments to attend, I ache -- and I don't see beauty in life.  I see a mess.  I see hardships and trials. I reach for beauty, grasping it barely by the ends of my finger tips, then it slips out of my grasp: beautiful moments fleet.  


Today, beauty sojourns itself in the palms of my hands through my efforts: pulling on a smile, baking a cake, turning up the music just a little bit louder, keeping the Bible open, finishing homework, drinking lemon+ginger tea, running in an open field, breathing in fresh air and realizing to breathe is a gift, lighting a candle for the sake of being still and dissolving into and being enveloped by beauty, embracing opportunity and living intentionally. 

where do you find beauty? 

xo.

ps  My camera is still missing.  I'm thinking someone stole it when we were on an away-day with our church. (Also, my favourite H&M turquoise blue cardigan also went missing on the same day my camera did...) You should be seeing photos from my archives till I get the T3! :) 

15 comments

  1. i hope you find your camera/cardigan! that's awful.
    your photos are ever-lovely, nonetheless. i lovelovelove this post!

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  2. this is beautiful, acacia. seriously my heart is pounding.. this is so lovely.

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  3. aw what a sick feeling. i lost my camera too a while back, turns out it was in my closet under some clothes. haha i was convinced someone stole it and i felt just awful about the whole thing. anyway, hope you find it soon :)

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  4. Oh, I hope you find your camera, darling! Can I tell you a secret? I lost my old digital camera too, but now I see it as good luck, because I got my DSLR camera a few months later. ;) So I suppose, "out with the old, and in with the new," right? :D But I still hope you find your camera soon, deary. ;)

    your writing style is stunning, as usual.

    xoxo,
    Grace

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  5. That was beautiful. :) Thank you for the encouragement!
    I'm so sorry to hear about your camera! D: I'll be praying that you find it.

    ~Kaylee
    whateverrblog.blogspot.com

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  6. Great post! I hope you find your camera and cardigan soon!

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  7. i hope you find your camera and cardigan soon! and this was a beautiful post.

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  8. Beautiful post, acacia! I especially love your photos. (:

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  9. Not to parrot anyone else... but this was such a delightful post, dear!
    I love the way you express your feelings through such eloquent words!

    {LOVED} by Christ,
    Kaylee

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  10. Great post!

    Would you mind if I asked how old you are? I'm just curious, because I've been
    looking for bloggers my age lately. Thanks!
    Another Blogger

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  11. Dear Acacia,

    You are WONDERFUL!!!! Honestly, honestly. From the music you have on your page, to your poetic musings. I love how your words make you feel something! Each one is placed down onto the pages like notes in song, with rhythm and emotion. It really is too wonderful. (using words over again in comments, my fatal flaw. Hmph) ;)

    Secondly, something I need to come clean on... You left me a lovely comment on The Starlit Castle, http://starlitcastle.blogspot.com/, and it was so lovely, but it wasn't me who wrote the post! No, I swear, it wasn't. Actually The Starlit Castle is just a blog I collaborate with but, though I hesitate to write it, my blog is My Blue Castle (my personal blog, that is). And I hate, hate telling people my blog on comments (oh you know those comments where they're like, "oh I love this! and here's my blog, please follow ;), but I wouldn't want to take credit for something I never wrote (have you ever read Anne of Green Gables? you know where Diana makes those changes on Anne's story before she sends it in, and Anne is like, "I couldn't take credit, good or bad," I'm paraphrasing horribly, but that's sorta how I feel).

    Woah, confusing paragraph above. I don't expect you to make sense of it; honestly, I hardly make sense of it myself. What a confusion of (what are these things called again --> ) ?) But I was pretty much saying sorry for the confusion.

    And anyways, back to topic, your sumptuous post. "Today, beauty sojourns itself in the palms of my hands through my efforts" Eep! I love it. Sojourns. Wonderful, wonderful (when I say those words, I imagine myself a little grey haired professor, with spectacles that are falling down, and a slightly nasally voice, "wonderful, wonderful, student, thank you for your contribution."). I know weird, right?

    Oh, and to answer your question, I find beauty everywhere. <--- What a cliche answer. But it's true. I sat at Target the other day, and just watched people, and it was too enjoyable. Seeing people in their own little lives, so unconnected to others, and yet almost touching each other. It's interesting.

    Lastly (I know, I'm sorry, I actually do feel really bad how long this comment is), I'm so sorry you lost your camera! That sounds so awful. I do hope you find it soon. I know I would feel terrible without mine.

    Love,
    Rebekah

    P.S. That was a mouthful, eh?

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    1. that was a mouthful, but oh, what a beautiful mouthful! your comment put the biggest smile on my face, dear. thank you. thank you. thank you!
      also, I should say, your writing is incredible. even more so that the comment I left on the other blog. I was reading your about me page on My Blue Castle and I knew - from the very beginning - that you were a talented and emotional writer. (Seriously.)

      - acacia
      xx

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  12. I LOVE YOUR PICTURES THEY ARE SOOOOOO COOL AND NICE TO LOOK AT!!!! CAN YOU FOLLOW ME !!!!

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  13. Such beautiful pictures! Simple & lovely.
    Talia
    http://girlzofgodbook.blogspot.com

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